Jeremy's week off by the numbers

8 number of days Jeremy was home with us

2 children's science museums visited

1 staple* inserted in Dorian's head to hold it together after a playground mishap

1.5 hours spent in emergency room to get said staple

1 cavern explored

52 degrees F inside the cavern

100 degrees F outside

1 night in a hotel

8 times we went swimming

1 pair of socks for Jeremy finally finished

2 average number of cucumbers picked from the garden each day

4 days, starting today, that Jeremy will be in Chicago on business-- feast or famine, I guess.

* Can you believe it's actually a metal staple with no discernible difference from the kind that holds papers together?! It makes me shudder every time I see it.

Yesterday was yet another dreary, cool and rainy day in a string of such days. And so it seemed a perfect day to destroy my clean and pretty new dining room by filling it with all the crap from the laundry room and painting. My bogus trip to IKEA has left me with no organizational unit to fill the newly painted laundry room, but that is neither here nor there.
Gone are the weirdly mustardy beige walls and ancient linoleum floor, replaced by three white walls and one pink wall and a floor that I can't decide if it is shabby chic or just plain shabby. Which ever it may be, it is better than the crumbling, blue, water-damaged linoleum that was there before. And this means that I finally get to use my washing machine and dryer instead of the old ones that came with the house! (Well, after I have Jeremy help me move them from the workshop...)

Now I get to drag Dorian around with me today on a quest to find some appropriate storage furniture and a work table.

**************************

And in totally unrelated news-- I had this conversation with Dorian a couple of days ago:

Dorian: Mom, you're the greatest woman in town!

Me: You think?!

Dorian: Well... maybe Miley Cyrus is.

The fact that Miley does not live anywhere near our town, probably has never heard of our town and quite possibly will never visit our town did not matter to dear DeeDee. So, currently, I have a 4.5 year old obsessed with Miley Cyrus and a 7.5 year old who is in love with a video game character. Lord have mercy on me this summer vacation!

Laziest blogger/knitter ever

Considering it has been almost a month since I posted, you probably weren't expecting to ever find another post here. But here I am, with very little to show you. The camera gets almost no use these days. We're busy, but not with much you'd want to look at.

I've been hardly knitting at all. I am not working on Sundays this May, so there goes a whole day of knitting time. And I missed last week's circle and will also miss this week's. Couple that with watching a lot of movies that require reading, and the knitting has slowed considerably. The other day I remembered that I had been working on Jeremy's first sock while watching the absolute worst movie during February vacation. And here we are, fast approaching summer vacation, and I've only just finished the heel on number 2.

On the right is a sweater vest requested by Sebastian to have an alien theme. So far, you can see UFOs and planets. There are also alien faces and rocket ships to come. Assuming I ever pick up the needles again...

Mayday

Yesterday I got to do my nature program for Sebastian's class for a whopping hour and a half whch was supposed to include a walking field trip down the road to a large brook. Unfortunately, it was a rainy, cold, miserable day so we were only able to go behind the school to a smaller stream. This meant I had a lot more time to fill, as about 45 minutes was scheduled just for walking.

So after I did my puppet show which featured a mayfly nymph among other things (like a coat hanger and a toilet plunger), I told the children about mayflies. How when they emerge as adults, they only have one day to live, so they mate and lay eggs and that's it. "What would you do if you could only be an adult for one day before you died?" I asked.

And as depressing as it was that all the girls save one* wanted to go to the mall, and all the boys wanted to play video games, one little sociopath came up with a real doozy. He, too, wanted to play video games but in order to do so he planned to:

"Go to the store and buy all the video games I want with a check I know I don't have money for, but the won't know that until after I'm dead anyway."

I'm not sure I want to know what is going on in his life that inspired that comment.

*She wanted to clean her house, which made her mother who was accompanying us hang her head in dismay. But at least she was being thoughtful of those she was leaving behind.

Mental Health Day

Jeremy's boss decided he needed a mental health day on Friday, but it really turned out to be one for me. And not just because I had had 2 kids home for spring vacation* for 6 days at that point either.

No, I took the opportunity to strong-arm Jeremy into helping me paint the dining room-- an event I've been waiting for for too long. (Note that this post was written one year ago exactly.)

We picked white for the dining room, since all the other rooms have color, and my dishes are all different colors and I didn't want too much clashing. And my cousin pointed out that I don't want to have a "clown house." Unfortunately, all I could say when it was done was, "It's so... white." So we hung up our artwork, and it is better. Now we just need an appropriately sized table.

And lest it seem finished, I have this little reminder until I make it to the hardware store to buy one of those silly plates to cover the chimney flue:
Now I just need to do the laundry room... I've got the paint-- I just need the time.

*During vacation, we went to an artist's workshop and Sebastian's picture was taken for the paper.

The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

Sebastian lost his 6th tooth on Friday.  He still hadn't left the 5th one he lost months ago for the tooth fairy yet, deciding instead to keep one for himself.  Now he had 2 teeth in two of the little tooth necklaces that come from school when your mouth starts falling apart there.

And for the first time, he questioned the magic.  "Maybe the tooth fairy doesn't really exist." When pressed, he wasn't sure where the money might come from or where the teeth might go.  Santa Claus made more sense than tooth fairies and Easter bunnies, he decided.  (Even though he claimed to have caught a glimpse of said bunny last Sunday.)  So I told him about what happened when I was his age and thought the same thing.

I decided to wait up for the fairy.  My tooth was in a film canister under my pillow, under my head, and there was no way she (or whoever was masquerading as the tooth fairy) was going to get past me.  I struggled to stay vigilant, and in the dark I checked to be sure I could hear the rattle of my little tooth in the plastic.  But it was full of coins!  And so I was convinced, for a little while longer anyway.  Sebastian pointed out that I may have dozed off briefly, but seemed to reconsider.

He didn't want to (or forgot) to leave his teeth for the fairy on Friday night, but remembered to do it last night.  After discovering the dollar he received last time still folded neatly inside his tooth pouch, he took his little calcified treasures upstairs to rest on the pillow next to his head.

Cue anxious whispering by his parents:  

"Do you have $2?"

"No!  Do you?"

"I think I have $1 in my wallet.  What should we do?"

"We'll just have to 'borrow' some from their wallets, I guess."

But then we went back to playing Mario and totally forgot.

This morning, more anxious whispering by me at 7:45am to my sleeping husband:

"Did you remember to be the tooth fairy?!"

Shit.  Now what?  The kids are up.  Sebastian has by now discovered that the tooth fairy has neglected to visit.  All wallets are downstairs with the children.  Panic! Panic!

Piggy banks!  Those are upstairs.  Who says the tooth fairy only brings bills?  She certainly didn't when I was a kid.  

Whose stupid idea was it anyway to have the kids take their change to the CoinStar machine?!  (Mine.)  The total from the 2 banks was a whopping $1.76.  There was another 15 cents on our dresser.  Jeremy told me to check his underwear drawer, but that only yielded his neckties, an "I heart Styx" button and some marbles.  (It's better not to ask.)

Now I had to sneak downstairs to get his wallet with the lonely bill, quietly put the excess change back in the banks, exchange the money for teeth and somehow not get caught.  Success!

Being the impatient person I am, when I returned downstairs some 45 minutes later I asked if the tooth fairy had come.  "She didn't," Sebastian sadly replied.  "She forgot."  

"That's not possible.  I have heard of her having trouble in bad weather, but not forgetting entirely.  Are you sure she didn't come?"

"Yes.  I checked when I woke up and my teeth were still there and there was no money."

"Hmm.  That's odd.  I wonder if she came and saw there were 2 teeth and had to go back for more money.  She probably was only expecting one tooth.  I'm sure she'll come."

"That's a good idea, Mom.  I did hold onto that other tooth for a long time."

Lo and behold, when he checked a few minutes later, the money was there... but short one dime.  Argh!  Will this nightmare never end?  I told him to check his bed and retrace his steps from his room to where the tooth pouch was now on the dining table, scrambled into the kitchen to get a dime from my wallet to throw on the floor next to the table and vowed not to worry about it when Jeremy wondered how I would explain it when Sebastian finds the original dime later.

Seen and heard

Seen:

While driving to school this morning, I was behind a station wagon with a "Baby on Board" sign affixed to the back window. As it was turning into the school parking lot, its driver threw a cigarette butt out of the window.

Apparently I am expected to have more of a stake in that baby's safety than the parent is.

Heard:

Dorian was very excited by the prospect of finding Easter eggs filled with "malted meatballs."

March Miss Lady Sweater Done!

It looks boxier lying on the floor than it does on me. (I hope.)

I may decide to change the "sleeves" a little, but otherwise it is fine. And with Ben's help, I found the perfect buttons. Not the ones I had in mind originally, but I'm happy with them.

Who's busy?

It has been a whirlwind month around here. Jeremy took that second business trip of the year-- I survived. He was a little worse for wear, having lost not only the 3 hours from flying back from the west coast, but also the hour for springing forward.

Sebastian continues to maintain his perfect attendance record, despite going into school at 9:30 last Monday and then calling home sick at 1:30. Of course his teacher thought I was pushing him to get perfect attendance and neglectfully sending him into school sick, but it is all him. He wants that Friendly's gift card at the end of the year. And he didn't have a fever when I dropped him off. I can't control what happens when he's not with me. (I can barely control what happens when he is.)

Thursday we went to Boston to visit Jim, who was an awesome host as usual. I highly recommend his chicken cutlets. Yum! I got some cutie stuff for myself and for the kids for Easter and for someone else over in Berkeley who should look for a package at some point. (But not too soon-- it isn't in the mail yet.)

We got home Saturday night, Sunday I worked, and Monday my cousin Emily and her beau Michael came to visit until Wednesday. It was a nice visit, if rainy, and now I'm trying to get my life back in order.

So far today I have raked out all the flower beds and admired all the buds emerging from the ground, swept the sidewalk, and left all the leaves in piles around the yard waiting to be stuffed into those giant brown bags. (Cross your fingers that they don't blow around too much before I can finish the job after I pick up Sebastian from school.)

And I hope to finish my March Miss Lady sweater which is only a couple of rows from being finished in the body and a couple of rows each for the cap sleeves. I can't wait to be done with that. Then I've been asked to knit a gecko for the store, but when it is done, I think I'll take a little break from knitting. I am really lacking for inspiration and maybe a few weeks off is what I need to get back in the swing of things.

Fit to be tied

Sebastian and I have been in a bit of a power struggle the last couple of years over when he would learn to tie his shoes. He was clearly winning, as I was continually convinced to buy slip-ons and velcro models, and every time I tried to teach him how to tie a bow, he would respond with limp fingers and I with yelling.

For the last few months, he has been wedging his thick wool socks into a pair of shoes a full size too small for him, despite owning a pair of low top Chucks in a more appropriate size. But I couldn't very well send him off to school with shoes he couldn't put on himself when the boots came off, so off he went day after day looking more and more like the ragamuffin he is.

Well, along came February break, and when I removed his shoes from his backpack and discovered that the elastic had completely ripped free from its moorings on both sides of both shoes, I made a bold move to win the battle. I threw the pair, along with its dry-rotting velcroed brethren, into the garbage and announced that he would be learning to tie his shoes before he went back to school because he had no other choice. End of the line.

The first few days of vacation passed with multiple refusals to learn and statements of intent to procrastinate. Finally, two days before his return to school, I told him the time had come. He tried. He failed. He tried again. Better, but not right. He tried again. And he did it! High fives all around... Lots of cause for celebration...

The next day we were out shopping, and he was very excited about his future of shoes of all sorts, and pointed out several styles he would love to have. I told him that when he outgrew this pair, I would take him shopping, but that most likely his shoes would not be coming from the large chain store where we were.

The next 3 days of school go by, followed by a weekend of wearing his shoes with no problems whatsoever. They fit. They are tied competently by Sebastian. All is right with the world.

Today I go to pick him up from school and am confronted by the information that my child was shoeless during library and told the librarian an elaborate story about how when his father came home from his business trip that he would be taking him to Target to buy new shoes because the ones he has don't fit. Umm... no, no and no.

And he apparently wandered the halls shoeless all day yesterday as well. One would think that his teacher would have told me about this. But one would be very wrong.

I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't his pants he was neglecting to wear.

The New Normal

My friend Amanda and I have been talking about when we should stop waiting for things to "get back to normal" and just accept that we have an ever shifting, very busy, new normal. For example, things are "back to normal" this week because Jeremy just took both of the boys to school for the first time in 3 weeks. But, he leaves at 3:30am tomorrow for a business trip from which he will return Sunday just in time for me to go to work. Not normal, but approaching being the New Normal since this is the second trip in as many months.

But, as I'm sure you suspected, some things are as normal as ever around here. Like the knitting... Let me introduce you to my latest, slightly abusive, and generally unhealthy relationship:

My February Lady Sweater. Henceforth to be known as the "March Miss Lady Sweater". This pattern is extremely irritating. I'm sort of irritated that I'm even making it considering that every other female knitter on the planet seems to have also made one. But we all know that I hate to follow a pattern, so of course, mine will have short sleeves and 8 small buttons instead of 3 large ones. There was some serious frogging with this little lady. For some dumb reason, the lace part starts before you divide for the sleeves, so that when I would make it short sleeved, it would end up with one little strip of the lace. It looked stupid. So I ripped it back to where the lace started, did some more garter stitch instead, and voila! it is much improved. I also made the button band narrower since my buttons will not be so large.

You might ask why I would continue with something that caused me to use the "f" word way more than normal. And the answer would be that I really want a lacy, short sleeved sweater to wear over my sundresses in spring and summer if I get a little cool. And I looked for a different pattern and just didn't have much luck. So I'm sticking with this one. And as long as I don't eff up the lace pattern again, the rest should be smooth sailing.

In the meantime, when I've needed some stockinette to soothe my frayed nerves, I've been working on some socks for Jeremy, who is the only one left in this house with no "mommy socks."

I thought this was self-striping yarn when I bought it, but it's more like self-spiraling. That's okay. It fits him like a glove. For his foot.

I know I don't go to a lot of parties...

But I must say that the discovery of a fresh human shit on the floor is one way to really liven a birthday party up.

Hand washings all around!

Be careful what you wish for

I have been heard to complain that Maryland has been getting all the snow that is rightfully Vermont's. We had the same icy inch of snow getting dirtier and dirtier for the last couple of months. And finally last week the snow came again.

And then this week, it snowed some more.

And I had been wishing for snow. Snow to sit and knit by. Snow to bake bread to. Snow to deposit the children in.

But I didn't ask for feet of snow immediately followed by inches of rain that meant I would be shovelling water. (Yes, I know snow is frozen water.) Shovelling slushy water is about ten times harder than shovelling powdery snow, even if it is less likely to blow back in your face when you fling it. And Sebastian's boots have spent a week stuck in the baseboard heater unsuccessfully trying to dry. You don't want to know how bad that smells. Swampfoot-- ugh!

Lousy winter. You done me wrong this year.

Yes, I'm still alive.

I was just waiting for at least 10 people to complain that they hadn't read anything lately. I'm just vain like that, I guess.

Not really. I just haven't been in the mood. And I didn't feel like boring everyone with my minutiae for a while. But if you want it, here it is:

Crazy neighbor update: No nudity lately, but there is a pile of garbage as tall as the house behind ours that includes a big screen TV among other things, and is so voluminous that it is hard to imagine it all fitting in the tiny house (which is where I assume it came from). However, I have seen enough episodes of Hoarders to know that it is more than possible.

Also, I witnessed the boy who sucks on nails come out of his house barefoot, walk into the snow, scoop some up with his bare hands and go back inside with it. I will never figure those people out.

Dorian and Kindergarten update: Dorian will not be attending Kindergarten next year. The board declined to make an exception. This disappoints me on selfish levels, but is fine. He'll be fine regardless. Now we just have to decide if he'll continue at the same preschool, and if so, for how many days a week.

Work update: I'm still holding down the fort on Sundays which continues to be okay despite the fact that sometimes people show up at closing time with massive knitting disasters they expect me to fix. Like the woman who was making a blanket on circular needles, but blankets are flat (you know this, I know this, everyone but she knows this), and two inches in she started making it in the round and didn't understand why that was a problem. Time to put down the needles, ma'am.

Knitting update: I "finished" the red riding hood. You will notice it has no closure of any kind, which means it isn't really finished. I'm thinking of knitting some frogs with the abundance of left over yarn, but it probably also needs a zipper. In the meantime, I used a kilt pin to hold it together when I wore it as a jacket yesterday. It was quite warm.

And in honor of the Olympics, I made this rainbow cowl. Rarely do I buy yarn without a specific project in mind, but I just loved these colors. It is a fairly expensive yarn, so I only bought one ball which is only 95 yards. So I needed a small project. I wanted to keep the rainbow intact, so I knit this as a long rectangle (like half a scarf) and then grafted it together to make a tube. But the K3P1 rib that I made was a little too stiff, so I dropped all the purled stitches and now it is nice and drapey. I am pleased.

There you have it. Maybe I'll even update the kids' blog now...

My latest project

The moment I have been anticipating/dreading all school year has finally come-- the time to start trying to get Dorian into Kindergarten next year. You may remember what I had to go through to get Sebastian accepted straight into 1st grade all because his birthday is in November and the cut-off is September 1. Well, now I get to do it all again since Dorian's birthday is 4 days after Sebastian's.

I've begun the process, talking to the principal, being told what the policy is, getting past the gatekeeper to an appointment for registration. So now all that's left is to get my supporting documentation from Dorian's preschool, write my letter of appeal, and hope for the best.

My biggest argument (other than the fact that Dorian is capable and ready) is that their policy is obviously not as cut and dried as they would like me to believe since they already bent it once for Sebastian with no ill effects.

We'll see how convincing I can be...

Don't try to play any version of "Go to the Head of the Class" from the 60s

Not only did the one I got from the thrift store not have the booklet with the answers, it also didn't have enough questions-- but the questions it did have were too much.

Here is a sample card: (Remember that this game is for ages 8 and up)
JUNIOR: Give the Latin for the Zodiac sign "The Balance". Any 8 year old who knows this one has some hippy dippy parents or is so bored they read everything on the comics page, including the chess and bridge sections.
INTERMEDIATE: What large American city was once called Village of Shawmuu? You can just see the middle schoolers' faces when this topic came up in Social Studies. Or didn't. Did anyone learn this?
SENIOR: Name the first President of the Commonwealth of the Phillipines [sic]. Mama has less important things to know than this.

The only thing I can think is that since this was series 15, whoever was in charge was running out of things to ask about. Sort of like how the most recent editions of Trivial Pursuit have questions about who won the 3rd of the Women's Bowling Playoff pregames in 1983.

It was all worth it for a few hilarious answers from Dorian including:
Who said "Shoot if you must this old grey head, but spare my country's flag", she said? D: A goat.
What country launched the first satellite into orbit? D: Space.

My hands are sore

I'm not sure that the 4 to 5 hours of knitting I did yesterday were entirely advisable, however I do have something to show for it.

I finished the body of my little red riding hood. Jeremy's boss gave me a ton of red yarn she decided she would never use, so I am using two strands at once to make this bulky, top-down jacket. I'm just expanding on the bulky shrug pattern that I made a while ago to add long sleeves and a hood.

And I finished my socks this morning. All that was left last night was the toe of the second sock, but the pain in my wrist at 10pm told me it was better to stop and pick it up again in the morning. I'm glad I listened to myself for a change.

And, look! They match almost exactly!

Finally, check out this scrumptious little stack:

All it needs is an ice cream cone underneath. This pile will eventually become a color work beret sample for the store. If I don't eat it first.

The bus decision has been made (for the time being anyway)

Citing "too much commotion", Sebastian has decided he'd like to take a break from the bus for a while.

The pros:

• He gets home 40 minutes earlier and in a better mood.
• I have learned not to swear out loud on the drive home (unlike most Kindergartners he knows).
• Dorian doesn't usually punch him in the car. (He waits until we get home for that.)
• There's less guesswork involved. (Will I get to the bus stop before the bus comes? Or will I wait there for 45 minutes before it finally arrives?)

The cons:

• Less time to hang out with parents with whom I have nothing in common other than being the parent of a public school student.
• No standing in the rain for half hour stretches every week.

I think I can live with this decision.

I'm ready for February

I know an awful lot of people who were quite happy to shake the dust of last year and jump into this one. I, on the other hand, have not been too pleased with January, which will be going out on the same sour note it has been playing for weeks.

True, it hasn't been all bad. I did get my ring, after all. And my little brother came to visit. But people are getting me down with all their nonsense.

• I really need to get my child development book out and find out whether it is just seven year-olds in general or mine specifically that are such a pain in the ass. Add to that not knowing what to do about him and the nightmare that is the school bus, and parenting does not top my list of fun activities.
• Despite my reassurances to myself, this PTA stuff just really weighs on me. And even though part of me knows that 3 months isn't a very long time, it seems like an eternity until I can get out of this gig.
• A certain person in our family has been unwell for quite a long time, and things are looking particularly grim these days. And because of the nature of the situation, it is a very draining experience.
• Dorian's school has announced that they will be going sledding every Tuesday for the whole month of February, thereby messing up one of only 2 days a week that he goes, because of course they want drivers and chaperones for these little excursions.
• And I get to end the month with Jeremy leaving on a business trip for 4 days to floody California. At least I'm not dealing with poopy 10 month-old twins alone like that brave soul Mr. Listmaker.

You know, I learned from my nature program puppet show that chipmunks are dormant through the winter, lying on a pile of seeds they collected, waking only to take a little nibble here and there and fall back asleep. Doesn't that sound grand?

Finally!

I love it, Jeremy! Thank you!

Uncle Jack came to visit this weekend, which was a pretty momentous occasion. For one reason or another, we only got to see Jack twice in the first 3 and a half years of Dorian's life. But now, we've gotten to see him twice in less than a year. Yay for that! You see, he hadn't gotten around to mailing the boys' Xmas present so he decided it would be easier to just deliver it himself. (And it probably was, since it was a giant slot car track which has taken over the dining room.)

We went sledding, had a visit with my aunt Marian and my cousin Chelsea and Chelsea's son Lincoln, and just enjoyed Jack's company for the little time we had with him. Sunday we went bowling before he was on his way South again and I was off to work. And if I hadn't accidentally taken his turn once, he would have beaten me.

I hope this is the beginning of a new trend of seeing him more often. I certainly wouldn't mind going back to Chincoteague this year...

The heels on the bus

Sebastian: Mom, "A" was swearing on the bus. He got a write-up.

Me: Oh? What was he saying?

S: Well, I couldn't hear because he was at the front of the bus. I just heard the bus driver ask his name and tell him no swearing, he'd get a write-up.

M: Hmm.

S: I'm glad I couldn't hear because he might have said some swear words I don't know which would be bad because I might say them by accident later.

M: What swear words do you know?

S: Just a few. But I don't say them. That's why I'm civil.

The phone call

Yesterday morning I got one of those calls that puts you on edge, certain that there has been a death or some other tragedy. The phone call early in the morning*, serious voice at the other end of the line.

But then it was just my little brother asking if he could come visit this weekend! For which the answer could only be, "Of course!" I've got plans, lots of plans, to fit into a 36 hour period. Can't wait...

*Okay, so it was already after 9am and I was just pretending to be asleep so I could read in peace.

Still sportin' a mane

Well, suffice to say I am still Treasurer of the PTA. After a 2 and a half hour meeting, I couldn't really find a way to bow out gracefully, so here I am: still with my big blue book. However, there is no more fundraising happening for the rest of the year and that is my biggest complaint, so I couldn't exactly play that particular card. Everything else we have planned is the community building stuff that I wanted us to focus on in the first place. And I really only have to make it to the beginning of May when the next elections are held, so I'm just going to tough it out.

*muffled sob*

As the heel turns

I turned my heel yesterday and my gusset is all decreased*, so I'm about 1/3 of the way to a new pair of socks. I also finished my cowl, with which I am very pleased, but have no photo for you.

And if I can get over being the Cowardly Lion and follow through on my resolution number 3 for this year**, I may have some big news for you all soon.

*That's what she said.

** See previous post.