I need a little more practice with this whole no kids thing

The boys started school today in pants that are too long and with backpacks that are too big. But they were happy and excited. And so was I. Four whole hours to myself on a weekday?! Turns out I don't really know what to do with myself in such a situation.

Allegra and I drove downtown together to meet Amanda, and that's when we found out that the cafe was closed for renovations. So we went to a different cafe and I called Christine and Rosemary who didn't get the message in time, so we never hooked up with them. Long story short: we quickly ran out of things to do. I did find some jeans at the consignment store, but mostly Allegra and I would poke around and then look at each other pathetically and wonder what to do next.

But that's okay. It was our first time and we have a whole year to figure this out. Besides, I don't think I'd have the same problem at home with my endless to-do list. I just obviously cannot be out in the real world alone for that long.

Another school year begins...

And it is abundantly clear that I learned absolutely nothing last year. In the space of a half hour "Meet and Greet" I have embroiled myself in doing the healthy snack again and upping my puppet show quotient from 4 to 8. That is on top of the treasurer duties which keep piling up and doesn't include whatever chore I will be assigned by Dorian's cooperative preschool. And I decided to take a job in addition to this?!

Today was one of those days...

... where I actually felt like I was doing something right. It is easy for me to get bogged down in the little dumb stuff in life and parenting. And it is even easier to get bogged down in the big dumb stuff. For example, I am happy that the kids have been much better behaved since I pitched a fit last Thursday, but I don't feel particularly good that I frightened them by threatening to leave them on the side of the road. I know that I don't always make the best choices or do the perfect thing, and that is really hard for me to accept so I have a tendency to beat myself up a little.

But there are days where I just want to cry because I think my kids are so goddamn lucky to lead the life they do. (Crazy mother and all.) And today was one of those days.

Crazy mother went out with several other crazy mothers last night, and when I say went out, I mean until last call. So I wasn't home until midnight and didn't go to sleep until later than that and woke up as tired as when my head hit the pillow. But I got some pants on and went and picked up Amanda and her boys and we all headed up to Putney to go to the orchard there. The plums weren't ripe, but there were blueberries, so Amanda and I picked nearly a gallon apiece while the kids played amongst the bushes in the glorious sunshine.

And after a quick return to the farm stand for an urgent bathroom visit (inevitable with 4 kids in tow) we put the kids in 2 wagons to go look for the reindeer. We didn't see them, but the kids were enjoying the wagon ride and I thought that Sebastian and Riley would probably have more fun (and I wouldn't hurt my back so much) if they tried to ride the wagon down the hill by themselves. And so Sebastian was the Hobbes to Riley's Calvin. And they loved it! And all I could think was that this was what summer should be-- riding in a red wagon down a dirt track amidst a beautiful orchard in this beautiful state that we are fortunate enough to call home. What more could these kids ask for than 2 mamas who love them enough to take them to an orchard to run and play and crash a wagon into a fence while the mamas pick berries for jam to enjoy all winter? Will they think of today when they eat a piece of toast with jam 3 months from now? Will I remember to? Who knows? But it is very nice to be able to appreciate these times as they happen. And now I sound too much like a certain other blogger who tends toward the sappy and often makes me gag a little but takes very pretty pictures, so I will leave you with this pretty picture in her honor:

A ginormous dragonfly I found in the grass...

(But I won't leave before telling you that as usual I have bit off more than I can chew by not only buying enough blueberries to make 4 pints of jam, but also a half bushel of apples I now have to turn into applesauce. It was only $8... how could I pass up the opportunity to add more work to my life for that price? And I finished making up Dorian's sweater... other than the zipper and button... but it is sewn together.)

It's getting worse...

So apparently at breakfast this morning Dorian decided to say "boobs"-- apropos of nothing, of course. But the topper came at the lake today. There was a naked baby girl wandering around.

Me: Look at that chubby little baby!

Dorian: Oh, what a sweet pussy-puss!

Me: [trying not to sound alarmed] What was that, Dorian?

Dorian: What a sweet pussy-puss!

Me: Where did you get that word?

Dorian: I made it up for the sweet pussy-puss.

Rainy weekend activities

It is nice to have a rainy weekend every now and again to catch up on things instead of running off to find a spot of sand at the lake. So, did we make good use of our time? I'd say so.

Yesterday, Jeremy and I primed the walls in what was the music room. We did, that is, until we ran out of primer with only 7 square feet to go. Then we went out to lunch and to the grocery store. A brief respite at home and then we were off Chez Flapdoodle for a pizza party to celebrate a variety of things including their refinancing of their house and our friend Henry getting out of the "clam shell" he has been wearing all summer after breaking his spine. Yes, his spine.

Today was spent making banana muffins from some fruit fly magnets, taking a quick trip to the hardware store for more primer, and blocking Dorian's sweater.


All that remains is to sew it up, add a collar, and insert a zipper I have not yet purchased. Details, details.

I also harvested some stubby little carrots. 4 months of growing for that.
And our first eggplant! Yum!

I also went to see Food, Inc. It was okay. But here's the thing. Even though I am all for organic agriculture and try to shop locally as much as possible, that movie was so over the top at some points that I basically left the theater wanting to eat a Mickey D's hamburger just to spite the filmmakers. Whoever was in charge of the score saw fit to have a horror movie soundtrack during portions involving Monsanto or slaughterhouses. We got it already! And any time there was a corporate farm or a corn field depicted, everything was brown and dusty; but if an organic or small farm was on screen, all you could see was green mountain vistas and idyllic red barns. Please. And don't make Stonyfield yogurt out to be some fabulous company whose president is raving about all the tons of pesticides and antibiotics that aren't being used because they are "organic". Well, I have to ask about all the oil that went into both the plastic packaging that went swirling past as the film went through the factory and the trucks that will transport these dairy products across the country.

But enough of that little tirade. If you've been under some sort of rock lately and have no idea about sustainable farming or the horrors of corporate agribusiness, maybe you should see the film, but otherwise I wouldn't waste my time if I were you.

After I came back from the movie, Jeremy and I painted the ceiling in the former music room, and then I broke out a pane in the window simply by painting the frame. And now for the room news: the music room aka Dustin's room is going to be Dorian's room (or miniDust's room). The drumset will go in Sebastian's room. Dorian is excited to have his own room, since he never has, and I think Sebastian will enjoy having a room of his own again.

After dinner, I cut the boys' hair.

And now I have 2 hours to kill until Mad Men...

Big doings!

So, guess what? I'm now gainfully employed. That's right. In 2 weeks, I will be a working mom-- you know, as opposed to all the loafing around I've been doing for the last 6+ years.

And here's the best part: It is only 6 hours a week, and it's at the yarn store. So, I will get paid to-- get this!-- knit. Well, when I'm not helping customers and shit. Starting the 2nd week in September, I will be there every Sunday from 11-5.

I did not plan to get a job, but I always thought that if something came around that

1. did not involve watching someone else's child(ren)
2. did not require my paying for childcare
3. didn't involve a lot of office politics
4. seemed somewhat enjoyable

I would take it. And then last night at knitting circle, Miss Rachel said that if I knew anyone *wink, wink* who would be interested in working on Sundays and had retail experience and happened to be a good knitter who could answer people's questions, I should let her know. I presented the possibility to Jeremy who thought it would be fine, but said it was up to me. And then this morning, Dorian and I went in to hang out and knit during Sebastian's cooking class at the co-op and I told her I would like to do it if she'd have me.

I will be making twice as much a month as Dorian's preschool costs, so I'll have enough left over to hand right back to Rachel for more yarn. Sounds good to me.

Argh.

About 3 minutes after arriving at the lake on Monday, a certain friend of mine announced to the entire world that she was "not a patient mama today!" And despite her announcement, she totally was, but sometimes you just have to let everybody know how things stand.

Well, you know what? I am not a patient mama today. I'm not. I have screamed at the children several times for being, variously: rude, whiny, obnoxious, holier-than-thou, tiresome... you know, all the things I have been accused of being my whole life.

So far today I have had to put up with

• being woken up by Dorian screaming about all the miseries of life.
• finding out that during his sleepover, Sebastian and a girl friend of his were kissing in bed. (But it's okay because they are "in love").
• listening to complaints about what kind of sandwiches I had to offer for lunch and how Sebastian would not suffer the indignity of eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich.
• taking the kids to the pool for an hour (even though I was already pissed about their behavior) because we had made plans to meet someone else there.
• allowing the kids to have ice cream mainly because they had been promised it as part of the whole pool excursion, only to have them end the experience by screaming at each other about whether or not a tagger should continue to tag after tagging someone.
• listening to Dorian shriek about how he needed to hold a CD case that he had just handed to me of his own volition.

I almost left them on the side of the road. It was only my slight fear of police intervention and my greater fear of the vicious gossip mills in this town that prevented me. And to think that when someone asked me if I was looking forward to the start of school I said "no".

Sartorial shenanigans

Yesterday at the mall in my favorite teenager clothing shop as I tried on a coat with a "fur" hood:

Sebastian: I just love a woman such as yourself in a fur coat such as that.

And that is why he is my favorite shopping companion.

******************

Today at the library's end of summer cupcake party:

Teacher friend: You and C always have the cutest clothes. I need to go shopping with the soccer moms.

You can imagine what a knife to the gut that was. A very innocent, genuinely complimentary knife to the gut. Soccer mom!?! Just because Sebastian went to soccer camp and wants me to sign him up for the fall soccer team doesn't... mean...

[sob]

Good little Americans

Today, like yesterday and the day before and the day before that, was hot. Too hot. It was too hot to be at the lake yesterday, what with water like a warm bath, and the pools are too sunny to be refreshing. Summer! Probably my least favorite season. If it weren't for the gardening...

So today we beat the heat like good little Americans by driving an hour to spend the day at the mall in the blessed A/C doing some Back to School shopping. My mother generously sent the kids some spending money, so Sebastian got to hone his math skills adding up his purchases. He did pretty well.

This is the jacket he insisted he needed which cost him 40% of his budget. (Sebastian seems to be loving the resurgence of the 80s bright colors). Dorian insisted on the robot hat. They also picked out some new shirts-- a robot one and a comic book word one for Sebastian, an alien one and a robot one for Dorian. They each got a pair of pants. And Sebastian got a new lunch box while Dorian got a backpack and underwear.

Jeremy and I weren't left out in all this consumption... he gets a new pair of jeans and I got some accessories and a sweater and a tank top.

Now I just have to wait a week and a half to ship them off to school...

Parallel paths weekend

Jeremy originally wanted to call it the divorce weekend, but that sounds a little inflammatory and would imply that we aren't getting along and I would never want you to think things were anything but peachy keen around here, so "parallel paths" it is.

It was already decided that Jeremy and Sebastian would take a little trip down to 6 Flags on Sunday, leaving me and DeeDee to our own devices for the day since he is too little for, and I get horrible motion sickness on, most rides. Half the time I can barely watch my own knitting needles at work, much less ride a roller coaster.

Then this morning Sebastian and I wanted to go to the lake, but Dorian and Jeremy wanted to go for a hike. Finally we realized that there was no reason why we had to compromise, so I took one kid and he took the other. And it was nice. I got to have some alone time with Sebastian and not have to scan the water constantly for 2 children or deal with one who wants to swim out in the deep part and one who wants to be on the beach. And Dorian got someone to take him to Putney Mtn, a request he has been making for weeks that I have for no real reason been ignoring.

We were a happy foursome again for dinner and grocery shopping this evening, so don't worry. Nobody's going to be asking to crash on your couch. At least, nobody from this house.

Happy House-iversary!

Yesterday marked the first anniversary of when we bought our house. Twelve months ago, Christine watched the boys so we could sign our lives away and initial repeatedly to be handed 10 copies of the key to our house. And a very short time after that, we embarked on 11 crazy days of getting the house somewhat ready for us to move in. I'm still working on making the house livable and from what I hear, I will spend the rest of the time that I own it doing so. Fine by me.

And the good news is that the insurance company was satisfied with the purple garage and the fixed window and the invoice for the trim being painted and has graciously allowed us to pay them hundreds of dollars to continue having their insurance. They had our back during that whole sewer pipe debacle, so it's definitely worth it.

So, here's to our half-painted, 129 year old, humble abode-- well worth the expense and effort!

I never should have disappointed Cortney in this way

She said she'd never have a friend who belonged to the PTA, and even though she promised me we'd still be friends even though I allowed myself to become treasurer of the organization, I know a little part of her love for me died that day. As well it should have, since I was clearly demonstrating that I was a person with no sense, totally blind to reason.

The two hour meeting the other night actually lasted 2 and a half hours and would have gone longer had I not announced that it must have been after 9 at that point and discussions were devolving into committee level detail. A vodka cranberry later, I was on the verge of quitting. However, I did make a commitment and I don't like to be a quitter, so the only solution that I could see was to air my grievances to the rest of the board.

This resulted in a shit storm of approximately 10 million emails back and forth-- some defensive, some productive, all tiresome (including mine). And now we get to have another meeting immediately before the meeting that we are scheduled, according to the bylaws, to have a meeting immediately after.

All of this just makes me realize that I should just be doing what I enjoy and actually impacts the students, like puppet shows about snowflakes, and not what makes me frustrated, like sitting through seemingly endless meetings about fundraising which was the part I thought we should be spending less time on, not more.

Why didn't I focus more on clinging to a friend 3000 miles away instead of my misguided do-goodery? Because I am a fool.

It's finally summer...

It is hot. So hot that even though I am feeling excessively lazy and a smidgen burnt out on sand these days, I got everything together to take the kids to the lake. Well, everything except Dorian's sandwich which I managed to leave on the counter instead of bringing for his lunch. You can imagine how disappointed he was that I was forced to buy him a hot dog.

I even got in the water pretty much first thing instead of postponing because (not enough sun/too windy/needed a Dr. Pepper first/too lazy). But after each child had his respective breakdown (lost plastic man/slipped underwater), it was clearly time to return home.

Now I just get to stew until it's time to go to a fucking midsummer PTA meeting from 7-9pm. Why, oh why, did I get myself into this?

I finally got my purple fix

The garage is finally done, and since it required the purchase of a second gallon of paint, I had enough left over to do the 2 back doors.

And today we went blueberry picking and I made some nice purple jam. Never did get raspberries, I'm sorry to say. But that's okay. The blueberry jam tasted pretty awesome on the corn fritters I made with my first Walker Farm corn of the year. No better corn in the world. And I also managed to put three bags of kernels in the freezer to enjoy throughout the winter. Good stuff.

The vacation so far

So far on this trip I have:

• Done some of the best boogie boarding of my life.
• Put in some "work" on my tan.
• Gone on a date with Jeremy that involved outlet shopping, an Indian dinner, wandering around Portsmouth with a yummy ice cream cone, and a walk on the beach in the moonlight.
• Given my children 4 desserts in one day-- the ice cream cone cookies pictured below for breakfast dessert, Starburst for lunch dessert, a pint of ice cream masquerading as a "kiddie" cone in the afternoon, and a slice of fudge cake after dinner. Can you say, "Vay-cay-shun"?

• Received a fantabulous present from my sister-in-law of some totally amazing crafting books, as well as some gorgeous yarn from her trip to Ireland. Lucky me!
• Had the following conversation while trying to boogie board:: Man: So, where did you get your board? Me: squinting without my glasses It's my father-in-law's. Man: Oh, because this one belongs to my friend, but it's only rated up to 150 lbs and I'm bigger than that. :: Now, I don't know what he wanted me to say; perhaps, [sultrily] "Just how big a man are you?" I never should have let Dorian talk me into wearing the cute suit today. Either way, when he continued to try to befriend me, I just rode the next wave to the shore and gave Jeremy a turn. Oddly, he didn't try to make Jeremy's acquaintance.
• Finished a pair of arm warmers for the fall with the yarn I got for free. I love the yarn and I am quite happy with the arm warmers. I am also quite happy that I do not need them at this particular moment.

Now I've got my DDR shirt on and I'm ready to head down to the boardwalk and the shooting gallery (not the heroin kind) and the fireworks.

It's done! I'm done! And we're off!

Blurry, artistically angled photos by Sebastian

I finally finished the sweater last night-- well, other than putting on the button I never got around to purchasing. It fits. It is now too hot to wear, but it fits. I'm hoping for some nice sea breezes and long walks along the ocean that will necessitate this sort of attire this week while we are away.

Have a good week!