A little perspective

You know how the farther away something is, the smaller it looks? Well, today I learned that goes for distances as well as objects. That raft I wanted to swim to, it sure didn't look like it was too far past the last set of ropes that cordon off the swimming area.

And then I decided to swim out there today. And it was totally one of those scenarios where you start to believe that the thing you are trying to reach is actually moving farther away even though it hasn't moved an inch. Couple that with my narrow escape from a panic attack and I was quite out of breath when I finally pulled myself up the ladder and flopped onto the raft.

You see, my water terror all started about 10 years ago. My brother's girlfriend at the time was working at a small aquarium on Chincoteague island (home of the wild ponies). Now, the Atlantic Ocean is pretty murky in those parts, but having swum there my whole life, it never occurred to me to be concerned. Not until I went into that aquarium which was stocked entirely with animals caught close to shore. Animals like seahorses (not scary) and rays (creepy) and sharks (small ones but scary anyway) among other things. I started that trip with the visit to the aquarium and ended it without going into the ocean past my waist for fear of being eaten alive or paralyzed or whisked off to some slimy, oxygen-free lair.

And then a couple of years later, Jeremy and I moved to Vermont, just down the road from a popular swimming hole at a disused quarry. Swimming there did not bother me, even though the water was pitch black and, as far as I knew, bottomless. It didn't bother me until the day that Jeremy and I began joking about releasing a fresh water giant squid* into the quarry. And despite the fact that this was a completely stupid idea that was a joke, when I got in and was pretty much smack dab in the middle of the water, I completely panicked and might have died. I couldn't touch anywhere (bottomless pit) and swam for the wrong side which was a slimy rock wall, impossible to climb without suction cup feet. I kept trying to tell myself that there was no squid, but became tortured by a story my brother told me about the northern pike, a fish he claimed to have seen swallow a duck whole. That story is probably a lie, but if it were true, a pike could certainly make short work of one of my feet, and that possibility was absolutely horrifying. Obviously, I lived to tell the tale and still have both of my feet, but things were pretty dicey there for a while.

I just can't swim where the bottom is black or murky or I lose my mind. Also, I am totally out of shape, which becomes quite worrisome when I am entirely out of my depth and the nearest lifeguard is a football field away and probably not paying any attention to me, which only leads to more panic when I realize that if my crazy squid theories are true, I would never be able to out-swim one. But, as we all know, the only thing I need saving from is myself.

*I don't think these exist, and if they do, please don't tell me about it.