Last night, I went to the parent education event at Sebastian's school hosted by "Dr. Rob" (who is not Quinn's fiance, no matter what he says). The topic was "Raising Authentically Happy and Resilient Children" and it couldn't have come at a more opportune time for me.
Sebastian has struggled with some bullying issues at school. And then at our conference on Monday, his teacher said he was socially immature even for his age. While I was trying to process that information, he comes home Tuesday from school saying things that only the saddest people say. I was devastated and felt enormous guilt.
Should I not have sent him to school even though he wanted to go? Did I fail him in some way in my parenting? Should I never have had children at all, knowing what I know about my own mental health and heredity?
What the talk helped me see was that Sebastian is having a hard time, but he is already a very resilient child. He has never once said that he wanted to stay home. Instead he says things like, "I know I have some little problems on the bus, but I really love to ride with my friends." That's a tough little cookie.
I also felt encouraged to continue doing the things I have always felt were important: giving the kids responsibility and chores from an early age to make them important members of our household, and trying to praise the things they do well to create real self-esteem.
It has been a real wake up call for Sebastian being at school and not hearing a lot of empty praise. I know that people mean well when they tell him he's "perfect" or a "genius". But no one is perfect and that is a lot of pressure for a little boy. He's beating himself up for every little mistake. That's no way to live. I know.
So I have some work ahead of me. But I knew that already.
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