I've taken a turn

And it's not for the better. Some time in the last week, February totally caught up with me. I had been doing so well this winter avoiding those seasonal blues. I even survived Jeremy's absence really well. I didn't even have one breakdown. All that fell apart somewhere around last Friday. Since then

• I pitched that hissy fit when things weren't going my way during Dance Dance Revolution. Behavior level: 5 years old.
• I had a phone conversation on Saturday that really pissed me off. Behavior level: very angry 31 year old.
• I tried to go out by myself on Sunday but couldn't think of anything to do. I really wanted to go for a walk in the woods but everything here is covered in a sheet of ice. So I was settling for going to the town sand pile for a bucket of sand. Woo-hoo. I said something self-deprecating which was reinforced by Mr. Jeremy. This resulted in my bursting into tears, slamming the bedroom door and throwing myself across the bed sobbing. Behavior level: 15 years old.
• I have also become so bone cold, I just can't shake it. At the same time I'm cursing high oil prices and putting on a hat in the goddamn house for chrissake, my children are mocking me by running around in their underpants/diapers. Behavior level: 90 years old.
• I have reached the point of complete dissatisfaction. While I think if I have to stay in this apartment another minute I might strangle someone, the thought of going out into the cold to the same old activities we've been doing for months now is no more appealing. Behavior level: sulky preteen.

On the other hand, the sky is clear and blue today for a change. And last night as I drove to exercise class, the full moon was rising over the mountains and it was just breathtaking. I wished I had my camera. I just need to focus on the good and the beautiful. Because we all know that mud season is really no better than this.